Anus Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
    "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
    to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
    Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
    partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
    a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
    "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
    he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
    enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
    into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
    hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
    "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
    tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...

    An
    autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture
    to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed
    the class. 'There are two things you need to make a
    career in medical forensics. First, you must have no
    fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the
    corpse's anus and licked it. 'Now you must do the same,'
    he told the class.
    After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the
    class did as instructed.
    'Second,' the professor continued, 'you must have
    an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many
    of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this
    man's anus, but licked my index finger?'

    Homo 1: "Kent U Urbanus Van Anus"?
    Homo 2: "Neen alleen van aangezicht".

    A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man`s anus, and then licks it.
    He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
    "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse`s anus, but I licked my index.

    An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. "There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear." Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. "Now you must do the same," he told the class.
    After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. "Second," the professor continued, "you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?"

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