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    Airline Announcements

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    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
    1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
    2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
    3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
    4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, more...

    Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner, God told them, "I invited you to dinner because I needed three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth!"
    Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have two really bad announcements to make. First, God really does exist, and second, tomorrow He will destroy the Earth."
    Clinton called an emergency session of Congress and told them, " I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God does exist, and the bad news is that he will destroy the Earth tomorrow."
    Bill Gates went back to Microsoft headquarters and told his people, "I have two fantastic announcements! First, I am one of the three most important people on Earth, and second, the Year 2000 problem has been solved!"

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in more...

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight more...

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