Announced Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Collection of Lawyer Jokes
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"
A while ago, one of the songs sung by the choir in my church was named And the
Father Will Dance. When it was announced, "And now the choir will sing 'And the
Father Will Dance,'" we were all extremely disappointed that he didn't get up to
dance, as was announced.
Campbell's Soup Company has announced plans for a new line of soups for senior citizens. The first to be announced is Campbell's Large Type Alphabet Soup.
"There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the group gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their church before. "My friend," asked the pastor, did you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?" "Yes," said the visitor, "and after that sermon, I'm about as bored as you can get!"
A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
“I will grant you three wishes, ” announced the genie. “But there is one condition. I am a lawyer’s genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well–only double. ”
The man thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars, ” he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that £10, 000, 000 had been deposited. “But every lawyer in the world has just recieved £20, 000, 000, ” the genie said.
“I’ve always wanted a Ferrari, ” the man said. “That’s my second wish. ”
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But every lawyer in the world has just recieved two Ferraris, ” the genie said. “And what is your last wish? ”
“Well, ” said the man, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant. ”