Ammunition Jokes

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.
So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.
The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note.
The note said, "I missed!"

Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show... Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin. Do you think that's true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend's skin. .. Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats. See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore. .. LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn't that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide? In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week. .. Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed. He said Viagra makes it possible. .. I think money makes it possible! Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient because the more...

I was up at a tourist site here in Oregon --the Vista House-- the other day, just enjoying the view of our beautiful Columbia River Gorge.

I was just watching the trains go by when a maintenance truck pulled up and parked right next to me. The guy got out and started "checking me out" really closely. He was looking at the back of my car. Suddenly, I saw a big smile on his face and he waved at me. I thought this guy was a REAL wacko or something.

As I drove off, I realized that I had my business supplies in the back of my Outback Wagon, and I had some spray bottles stashed inside of an ammunition crate. I had bought this ammunition crate years ago at an army/navy surplus store... it fits perfect in the back of my Outback.

Oops, false alarm.

General
Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.
Colonel
Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.
Lieutenant-Colonel
Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.
Major
Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by more...