Alto Jokes / Recent Jokes

ALTO SAX: Originally invented by Adolph Sax as the result of an evening of much cheap wine and a dare by a drunken horn player, the instrument he produced is neither brass nor woodwind. The only intended victim of this vile weapon is the concert band French horn player. Nothing is worse than hearing a great brass lick only to be obscured by the overly reedy tone and wobbly "vibrato" of some half crazed alto sax doubling the horns and overplaying them. Composers and arrangers are to blame as much as the alto players. Older players unable to temper their 1940's swing band vibrato are also a danger. The only counter measure is to question their manhood by daring the player to play Charlie Parker's "Donna Lee" at 230 beats per minute. That should shut' em up!

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn wouldve done it.

Musician Jokes - In Score Order
How do you get two piccolos to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutists playing in unison.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.
What's the difference between playing an English horn solo and wetting your pants?
Nothing. Both give you a warm feeling but no one else cares.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on the trampoline.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on their dashboards?
So they can park in handicapped zones.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, more...

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.