Alto Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
    ------------------------
    What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
    a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
    Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
    command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
    do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
    and research papers.
    No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
    IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
    the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
    using a hex calculator. (I have more...

    How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
    Five. One to handle the bulb and four others to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

    Musician Jokes - In Score Order
    How do you get two piccolos to play in perfect unison?
    Shoot one.
    What's the definition of a minor second?
    Two flutists playing in unison.
    What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
    Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.
    What's the difference between playing an English horn solo and wetting your pants?
    Nothing. Both give you a warm feeling but no one else cares.
    What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
    You take off your shoes when you jump on the trampoline.
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To get away from the bassoon recital.
    Why do clarinetists leave their cases on their dashboards?
    So they can park in handicapped zones.
    What's the definition of a nerd?
    Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
    What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
    Gifted.
    What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
    You can tune a lawn mower, more...

    Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

    What's the difference between a dressmaker and an alto?
    The dressmaker tucks up the frills.

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