Alien Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Brains

    Hot 1 year ago

    An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research. ''How much is this one?'' he asked. ''Well that one is a monkey brain and it's $20,'' he explained. ''How much is that one?'' he asked ''Well that one is a female brain and its $100.'' he explained.''And how much is that one?'' he asked. ''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' he explained. ''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked. ''Well it has hardly been used!''

    An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a muscular guy. Then the alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!

    The guy looks at him and says," If you do that again I will cut your head off with this here knife!"

    The alien just did it again and said bloop, bloop, bloop! In anger the guy cuts off the guys head. Immediately another one grows back. Then the alien pushes his finger into the gys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!

    The guy says if you do that again I will cut off your dick! The alien did it again so in his anger the guy pulls down the aliens pants and is shocked to see that there is no dick! In his astonishment he asks," If you don't have a dick then how do you have sex?"

    The alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says," bloop, bloop, bloop!"

    What We Know from Movies

    Hot 5 years ago

    -It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
    -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
    -If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
    -Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
    -It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
    -When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
    -No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
    -Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total more...

    All Things to All People

    Hot 3 years ago

    Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions. The first person at the microphone said, "I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?" "I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office," answered Obama. "All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure." The second person in line said, "I'm an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?" "If I am elected," answered Obama, "every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice." The third more...

    Aliens

    Hot 5 years ago

    An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement. The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, sliced the next shot into the bushes. He then took a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again. Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game and they continued to observe the golfer. The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green. He then took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole. At this point, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"

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