Algorithm Jokes

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    Hunting Elephants

    Hot 4 years ago

    MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
    EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
    PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
    COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
    Go to Africa.
    Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
    Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
    During each traverse pass,
    Catch each animal seen.
    Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
    Stop when a match is detected.
    EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
    ASSEMBLY more...

    Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa,
    throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
    whatever is left.
    Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove
    the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1
    as a subordinate exercise.
    Professors of mathematics will prove the existence
    of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture
    of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
    Computer scientists hunt elephants by exercising
    Algorithm A:
    Go to Africa.
    Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
    Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
    alternately east and west.
    During each traverse pass,
    Catch each animal seen.
    Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
    Stop when a match is detected.
    Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A
    by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the more...

    Mathematicians hunt Lions by throwing out everything that is not a Lion
    and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced mathematicians will
    attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique Lion before
    proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. Professors of mathematics
    will prove the existence of at least one unique Lion and then leave the
    detection and capture of an actual Lion to their graduate students.
    Quantum Mechanics Scientists spend their time trying to ascertain whether
    a Lion is only visible when there is someone there to see it and go on to
    design fiendishly complicated traps for theoretical Lions involving small
    amounts of radioactive substances and glass vials of toxic vapour
    (Schrodinger's Lion).
    Logicians don't hunt Lions; for them it is sufficient to prove the
    existence of Lions and Lion-hunters and an additional theorem which proves
    that Lion-hunters do indeed hunt Lions (at least in theory).
    Computer more...

    /* * Microsoft marketing algorithm. */ #include #include #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ #include /* For the court of law */ #define say(x) lie(x) #define computeruser ALL_WHO_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version void main() { if (latest_window_version > one_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); } while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) { make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */ if (rumours_grow_wilder) make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) { market_time=ripe; say("It will be ready in one month); order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version); order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); vapourware = TRUE; break; } } switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) more...

    Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentiums floating point divider? A: "Life is like a box of chocolates..." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

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