Alcoholic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pamela, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Tony, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to Tony and others that everyone seeing it there would know that he was an alcoholic.
Tony, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Tony quietly parked his pickup in front of Pamela's house... and he left it there all night!

The following is a humorous story reported in the Manchester
Guardian some time in the late 1970's.
Ben McTaggart, a farmer in the Scottish Highlands, was apprehended by the
local constabulary after a routine inspection of his croft
revealed an illicit whisky still.
McTaggart appeared in court next day to face charges of evading
payment of excise duties and the illegal manufacture of alcoholic
spirits. Reviewing the facts of the case before pronouncing verdict,
the magistrate declared -
"Mr McTaggart, you have been found in possession of apparatus commonly
used in the distillation of alcoholic liquors. Although this equipment
was unused, and no trace of spirits could be found on your premises,
the intent of the apparatus should be clear to all, and I am obliged to
find you guilty of all charges brought against you in this court. Before
I pronounce sentence, do you have anything to say in mitigation of more...

My sister said that i was an alcoholic. Thats when i had to explain to her the difference between myself and an alcoholic.
An alcoholic is somebody who abuses alcohol. I love this stuff to much to do that

An alcoholic is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like that drinks as much as you do.

Remember, an alcoholic & a drunk are not the same thing at all. The alcoholic has to attend meetings.

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor`s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor`s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend more...