Airplane Jokes / Recent Jokes

While awaiting the arrival of our "puddle jumper" airplane for the return flight across Jamaica to the major airport, I sat wringing my hands and trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of the tiny airplane and a very bumpy flight.

Suddenly, an old fire truck began speeding down the runway, toward the arriving airplane, with sirens blaring. Frantic now, I implored the ticket agent to tell me what was happening.

She calmly answered, "Oh they just do that to clear the landing strip of chickens!"

In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44.62.270. State policy. Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights.A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned overand said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

The Tearful Bride... A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," you don't understand." I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!""Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom." Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess
where!"

The First Officer An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It`s the first time they`ve flown together and it`s obvious by the silence that they don`t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, "I don`t like Chinese." The First Officer replies, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?" The Captain says, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That`s why I don`t like Chinese." The First Officer says, "Noooo, noooo.... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." And the Captain answers, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn`t matter, they`re all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says, "No like Jew." The Captain replies, "Why not? Why don`t you like Jews?" The First Officer says, "Jews sink Titanic." The Captain tries to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn`t sink the Titanic. It was an more...

Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.
The reverand says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps.
Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps.
The old guy says to the hipee "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump."
But the hipee replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"