Ailments Jokes

A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee" replied another.
"It has gotten to where I cannot hear anything anymore." said one in the loudest voice of the group.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," claimed another.
"I can't even remember what I'm doing half the time; if I don't make myself a note I forget what I am trying to do in the first place" chimed yet another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence..."Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully." Thank the Lord we can all still more...

One Side of a Phone Call between James Bond and a Former Sexual Partner
Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Loins?
Oh, grand! It''s Bond.
James Bond? O07?
Shaken not stirred? Tuxedo? The trunk-sized jet pack? We had a run in with an Austrian terrorist with the overdeveloped reptilian brain and a predilection for man-eating octopi launching bazookas?
Well, contacting you took quite a bit of doing actually. You see, first I tried Giganta Loins. I must have looked in every phone directory that MI-6 could hack into. Then I figured out that Giganta might be a code name. I mean, who has the name Giganta Loins? Rather silly, when you think about it.
Yes, yes I suppose you do like it. Anyway, I recalled that I kept one of your garments – your knickers actually. And there it was. Honey Rider is a much prettier and commonplace name. You should use that.
Ah, yes. The, uh... point. Well, it seems that... well, there''s no delicate way to put this. I have a rather nasty more...