Adult Jokes / Hot Jokes

Blonde Slut

Hot 1 day ago

Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd had the previous night with this guy she brought home.

"Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked

"The bastard called me a blonde slut!" Mary said.

"And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked.

"I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom and take his eight friends with him!"

Tabletop Viagra

Hot 2 days ago

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.' What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.

'Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

'No problem,' replies the doctor.' Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.' Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'

'What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible.'

'What was terrible?' said the doctor,' was the sex not good?'

"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 more...

Sperm Bank Stick Up

Hot 1 week ago

A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts,' Open the safe!'

'But this is not a real bank!' the woman replies,' It's a sperm bank.'

'Open the safe or I'll shoot!' the man shouts.

The woman, now terrified opens the safe.

'Now take one of the bottles and drink it,' he says.

'But sir, these are sperm samples!' the woman replies.

'Just drink it or I'll shoot!'

The woman opens the bottle and drinks the lot.' Now take another bottle and drink it.'

'But sir, I just drank one!'

'Drink another one or I'll shoot you!'

The woman has no alternative and drinks a second bottle.

When she has emptied it, the man now takes off his mask and the woman is surprised to see the robber is her husband.

'Now you see, Honey,' he says,' It isn't so difficult, is it?'

Clever Fred

Hot 1 week ago

A worried father confronted his daughter one night.' I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it.'

'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied,' Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.'

Coma Cure

Hot 2 weeks ago

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decided to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she let out a sigh.

The man ran out and told the doctor who said that was a good sign and suggested he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The husband went in and rubbed her right breast. This produced a moan from his wife. He rushed out and told the doctor. The doctor said this was amazing and a real breakthrough.

The doctor then suggested the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he would wait outside as it is a personal act and he didn't want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in, then came out about five minutes later, white as a sheet. He told the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asked what happen to which the man replied,' 'She choked.''