A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more...
The president of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary. After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man. The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary. After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go more...
[This is an original creation except as noted below]
[For the occassional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online
has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with
magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals
etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest
in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Things to do about all of your AOL disks.
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun. [copied from
a signature seen on the net.]
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like
Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out
of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download
enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop
until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining
unactivated disks for backup more...
2) no caps or puncuation at all seriously it really annoys people
3) Abb. or shorten evry othr wrd it wrks rly wel
4) UsE cApS oN aNd OfF lIkE tHiS
5) maik rly stoopid spelng mistaiks liek dis
6) Waste peoples' time.
7) Feing lost of tyops (Feign lots of typos)
8) TYPE IN ALL CAPS IT ANNOYS PEOPLE
9) N vwls. (No vowls.)
10) Capitalize Every Word Lots Of People Do It And It Really Works
11) 1337. s3R10u5|Y. D0 u N0 |-|0// mUc|-| 17 4N0y5 pp| 1F u U53 17 1n c0njUnC710N /// c|-|475p33K? (Leet. Seriously. Do you know how much it annoys people if you use it in conjunction with chatspeak?)
12) Act like a 3 year old.
13) Call everyone "Honey" or "Dear" as in, "Sorry, dear, but we can't do anything about it." or "Don't worry, Hun, it won't help to do that"
14) Ask a whole bunch of questions and don't answer any.
15) Subsitute a hole lot of stuff more...
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a *&!#%=A4 checking account." The astonished woman replies,"I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, *&!#%=A4. I said I want to open a *&!#%=A4 checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank. "The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer,"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no *&!#%=A4 problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the *&!#%=A4 lottery and I want to open a &!#%=A4 checking account in this *&!#%=A4 bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a more...