Abstain Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Church rules...

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

    The pastor said,' We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.'

    The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

    The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,' Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The old man replied,' No problem at all, Pastor.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The man replied,' The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two more...

    On a nice, bright sunshiney day, three couples came to visit the local Priest in order to join the Catholic Church. By a strange coincidence, One couple was young, one was old and one was middle-aged.
    The Priest told the couples that they could join the church only if they proved they were sincere by first abstaining from sex for one week. The couples all agreed to meet back at the church in one week.
    One week later, as promised, the couples all came back and the Priest asked of the Old Couple,
    "Did you abstain from sex?"
    The old couple both shook their heads and the Priest said, "Fine! Welcome to the Catholic Church!"
    The Priest then asked the middle-aged couple, "Did you abstain from sex?". The Middle Aged woman smiled and said, "It was tough, but we made it."
    "FINE! Welcome to the Catholic Church!"
    The priest then turned to the young couple and asked, "Did you abstain from sex?"
    The young more...

    Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

    There were these three couples; one elderly, one middle aged, and one newly-wed that wanted to join the church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained, and they replied, 'Yes, no problem!' So the minister says, 'Welcome to the church!' Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question, and they said, 'Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!' So the minister says to them, 'Welcome to the church!' Then the minister asks the newly wed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks. The husband says, 'We were unable to abstain, on the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me'. So the minister says, 'I'm sorry, but you are both banned from this church!' To this the husband replies, 'That's O.K., we can't go back to Safeway, either.

    Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
    The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
    All the couples agreed and then came back at the end of the two weeks.
    The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
    The old man replies, "No problem at all! Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!"
    The pastor then goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
    The man replied, "The first week was not too bad but the second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
    "Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
    The pastor finally goes to the young newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you more...

  • Recent Activity