1992 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
    The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
    note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
    1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
    apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
    witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
    2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
    Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
    was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
    3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
    Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
    head, ruled a suicide.
    4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
    Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

    Excuses

    Hot 5 years ago

    1991 - A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on work-release for a previous (drunk driving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.
    1992 - Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S.D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."
    1993 - Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunken-driving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James Heard had a 0.26 more...

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised to increase minimum wage
    President Bill Clinton: Wants to keep the wage the same
    Candidate Bill Clinton: Attacked Bush's policy of sending illegal Haitians back to Haiti
    President Bill Clinton: Decided to maintain Bush's policy on Haiti.
    Candidate Clinton, campaign ad, January 1992
    "I've offered a comprehensive plan to get our economy moving again....It starts with a tax cut on the middle class."
    Candidate Clinton, Jan. 12, 1992
    "I want to make it very clear that this middle-class tax cut, in my view, is central to any attempt we're going to make to have a short-term economic strategy."
    President-elect Clinton, Jan 14, 1993
    "From New Hampshire forward, for reasons that absolutely mystify me, the press thought the most important issue in the race was the middle class tax cut. I never did meet any voter who thought that."
    President Clinton, first Oval Office address, Feb. 15, more...

    Some Politicatl Quotes as collected in "They Said That!" by Larry Engelman


    Like we say in Texas, if goofy ideas ever go to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Dick Armey's head.
    Clinton advisor Paul Begala, 1998

    If Jerry Brown is the answer, it must be a very peculiar question.
    Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, 1992

    This is Jerry Brown. Thanks for calling. And please do everything you can to assist and be an active member in the insurgent campaign to take back America. To speak to a live human being, dial zero.
    -- Taped message on the Jerry Brown for President office phone in Santa Monica, Calif., 1992

    She's not my type, let's put it that way. She wouldn't pass the test. Yes, the Bono test.
    Sonny Bono, on Hillary Clinton, 1995

    This year's elections are like a horse race. They end up exactly where they started. And when they're done, manure is everywhere.
    Jay Leno, 1994

    Many Americans more...

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class
    President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security
    President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts
    President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ability to raise $45 billion by making foreign corporations pay their fair share of U. S. taxes
    President Bill Clinton: Modified and lowered his figure to only $11 billion

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed Medicare payment cut of only $4. 4 billion and ran ads attacking Bush for recommending more cuts
    President Bill Clinton: Wants at least $34 billion in Medicare cuts

    Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised a guarenteed college education for anyone wanting one
    President Bill Clinton: Proposing to spend $98 million--it will only cover 4, 800 students in the more...

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